P and S – One year old

Time is the fire in which we burn.  ~Delmore Schwartz

I’ve done this for a year.

I can’t believe its been that long. Looking back over the archives, there’s so much that’s happened, so much that’s been recorded. Its an exposed personal calendar in a way, this online journal. However, many of the entries remind me of the things that were happening behind those public words, the unwritten things; the very private changes and challenges affecting me and those I love this year. Its been full.

No matter how much we reveal, we still conceal, many times to our benefit. In this the value of self silence and the purpose of the veil has been revealed to me, and I am very thankful for the lesson. Keeping still with my thoughts has saved me again and again this year. Ironic that such close-to-the-vest behavior has taken priority in my most public (and published) twelve months.

Or perhaps not ironic. Something else – a balance, perhaps? Balance is certainly a holy grail these days. I’ve been thinking about fire’s ability to transform potential energy, and how much lighter an object can seem after being burned – wood to ash, for instance, or bones to charcoal. If matter can not be destroyed, the weight must transform somehow – into energy, heat.

Since this blog is supposedly about pyromania as art, and one woman who is playing with fire, I can’t help but ponder the idea of each journal entry as some little incendiary, some little burn or even a merest spark. These letters from the soul that I’ve sent over the flame to commit them to ash are little bits of revealing that lighten the spirit – and the smoke from their consumption the screen that occludes what must be protected.

Fire as transformation. Conceal and reveal. Let go and hold on. One year over. Another begins.

With peace for us, I hope.

~ by pands on July 7, 2008.