I’ve been slogging through the setup of my new business blog. In the the headstrong, blinders on manner of a teenager or thoroughbred (I resemble neither in any other way than the following, believe me) I’ve been crankily talking to the computer, asking it rhetorical questions, then snarking some more, tap, tap.

Then…ugh! Where’s my brain? How about the other blog, you dummy, you know, the real blog, the one you created in 2007, and worked on for years, uh, howabout all you learned there?

So, back to the source. Two blogs is just like having two cats, right? Its not much harder and they keep each other company, right?

Right?

Today, a grey, wet day. Monochromatic at best. Cutting through the rain and the thick fog with nothing but determination and a desire for rest when work is complete. And it all seems like work now – even making tea takes on a agenda – make the tea, get into place, take a sip, do what you must. Move forward, plod on, move or get cold or become like the world outside, taken over by the winter ice, paralyzed.

Stay warm. Stay calm. Make yourself safe, and sleep a little. The world will warm soon.

Funny then, the effect it has on me in the first few weeks. The sun’s angle in the sky has changed, so the brightness and temperature of sunbeams are a tempting offer, enticing me outside and into a more outgoing and extroverted self. But even the sun and all it brings – the daffodils, crocuses and snowdrops, the woodpeckers and the finches, the deeply earthy scent of a new season of plenty – is not enough to move me from my window. I feel safe and relieved here, next to the outdoors but not in it, watching and wanting but not ready to participate, even though I’ve been anxious for this moment for months and months, since January’s silver sharpness and bitter cold.

I feel like a bride, sitting at this wondow, savoring the moment. I want seclusion for a few moments more, a little more quiet before I join the party, sweet time alone with my solitary soul, time to see the wonder of renewal, to be grateful and nourished, to watch the joyous flow of the spring-fed river before I jump in.

Okay, not so much. I get that. But I have done cool stuff.

First and foremost, I created an online portfolio of my photography. You can visit, oh how I wish you would – www.cynthiaaugust.com . I’ve been dancing around doing so for ages, and finally all the stars aligned, eh, voila. That’s seriously sucked up my online time, it took for fricking ever to sort through seven years of digital images and get down to a hundred or so. So there’s excuse-masquerading as cool stuff #1.

I’ve also morphed my career yet again – phoenix is more than a catchy title for me, its sort of a personal philosophy…I’ve discovered that all my previous work experiences have finally congealed into something that actually resembles a job description. Put the costume designing and the wardrobing and the film and the TV and the photography and the business acumen and the collaborative nature together, and you have a pretty solid commercial stylist.

So that’s been my work for a bit, and right now I find myself in a most interesting place – a fledgling who already knows how to fly and is pretty much just waiting for the wind to change. For those who aren’t used to my extreme metaphorical blather, that means I am pounding the pavement like a maniac while hoping the economy turns around.

But it feel right, and good, and that’s a new, wonderful feeling. So we’ll see where it goes. Meanwhile, the job hunting with sharp spear continues with complete immersion, and there is excuse masquerading  as cool stuff #2.

Certainly no excuse, but to be sure a major comsumption of my time has been the upheaval of my personal life. I’ll not go into detail because those in the know know, and that’s plenty, but change is always hard even when its healthy, and in order to not squander the precious energy expended by such transformation, time and focus is essential. So there’s excuse #3.

But I’m ready to talk again, even if I am only talking to myself. I’ve missed being here. And this is a good place for me. So more soon, and peace.